Used

I feel used

He left me last night after he fucked me. I woke up and took a shower and worked on my mid-term paper. He is such a cold-hearted person but I feel pulled to him. John says I like the attention and I deal with the abuse. Is it abuse? I don’t feel abused but there is a part of me that is left feeling objectified.

I don’t think I could change him even though there are so many things I would change about him. My term paper is blank and my thoughts are pummeling my workflow. I go out on the porch and smoke a clove. Chris comes home and mentions something about a party later that I don’t want to go to. I return to my blank page and begin to stress. When he is here everything is fine but when he leaves I see things clearer about his personality.

Everyone thinks he is manipulative and heartless. I know why they say that but the situation goes deeper than other people’s observations. There is a lot more density to his character that I only see. He is different with me, different when we are alone.



I feel loved but I don’t think he loves me.